一直都很喜欢光良的歌曲

总是觉得他的歌曲都很容易引起共鸣

那年狂乱的时光，都让它留在那儿，吧

考试•篇

这一刻

今天考试，是众多科目中，唯一有mid term的科目。一向来，我考试运不高。特别是上了大学之后。Assignment 和 test 相较之下，我想我会选择 assignment。 我想我不太会做考卷，不管是选择题或开放式题目，我都没能很好的掌握。一来，对于朋友常安慰我说，“哎呀，不用担心。都是common sense。” 这样的话会让我更无奈，因为我没有sense。朋友每次这样说，我就这样回答。换来一串大笑。而来，语言不好。我总是需要很长的时间来诠释我脑袋里的思维。但是在时间的约束地下，真的，我没有办法写得好。

为什么特别提起今天考试？因为这个考试是众多重要科目当中，我最淡定去面对的一科。不是因为我非常有信心，也不是因为它很简单。但事实上，对于越简单的科目，我会越担心。

基本上我只用了三天的时间温习。但温习的过程中，我是如此淡定，如此享受。我甚至感觉自己好投入在温习功课的过程当中。这种阅读，让我有种莫名的喜悦。当下，考试和功课两者让我选，我选考试。

我太爱这个科目了。

考试的最后一刻我还是未能对课文100%地熟悉。但我选择放下，让老师叫我的名字，进班，按着编排的位子，坐下，考试。

坐在靠窗的位置。听着外面雷声隆隆。看着试卷，我作答。

作答的过程中有太多的思绪不断入侵我的脑海。那是为什么我把今天考试给纪录下来的原因。

这一次，我竟然可以对着自己说，眼前这一份问卷都不重要。分数高低也无所谓。最重要的是我从中所学习的知识。我爱它，本是爱他，爱的是他的本，所以我不在乎表面的成就。虽然，有时表面的成就间接中告知了你在背后的努力和付出。但是在这里，我想我更珍惜从我开始认识到了解它的那个过程。那份厚实感。那一份理解的感动。但说回来，如果真的那么爱它，那么很自然地会花更多时间了解它，最后成果必然是高分好评。嗯… 

我觉得自己从来没有如此认真且人性化地思考课文和理论的背后的来源与道理。我想这是为什么我会觉得自己在这三年的大学里都白学了的原因。

但这一科有种让我重生的感觉。重新认识知识，重新认识阅读，还有重新理解读书的意义。

都不是注重于考试，都不是注重于分数，更不是注重于成绩的标签。重新认识知识，真正用心去和课文谈一场顾及内涵多过表面风光的恋爱。

你会爱上它。会。

你需要有爱，愿意撇开内在以外的外来因素。你需要真的喜欢它，对他有兴趣。这是学者所谓的 intrinsic motivation。

爱上它，不就是梁静茹所唱的，“爱你不是两三天… 我天天想你很多遍…”吗？

学生，其实不就可以简单些，选择自己喜爱的。

抛开external factors的眼界。

听你想爱，找你想爱，做你很爱的科目的伴侣，让你收益一生。知识，可以带给你无止尽的价值；智慧，才是伴你一生的品质。

可总要到了最后，大学的最后一个学期才能理解，选择喜爱，比被爱，更容易爱。我是说，选择一个自己喜欢的科目，比一些容易考的科目，更容易上手。对，就是得心应手。

附：我应该拍下考卷的模样……………

Date

看着日历，算一算日子

突然让我觉得有希望

陈美青

你要加油

Stay Calm

Stay in Good Condition

Positive Mood

Keep Moving On

Get burn twice

One of my friends texted me randomly and told me that something can get repeated, like the weather. It will be repeated again and again every year, it is a natural phenomena; but things like relationship shouldn't be repeated. Similar to mistakes or failures in the past, it shouldn't be repeated over and over again. 

It reminds me of I shouldn't get into the same pitfall for twice. 

"四季是个轮回，感情不是。

请别让自己重复陷入同一情感轮回。"

Then I replied my friend, 轮回这回事我可强得很。我经常都会轮回，而且我经常做这种事。因为我不太会秒回。 

哈!

最近学会秒回和轮回这两个词。要学以致用。 ;) 

Thanks, people. Whoever bring me up, and push me down. 

我真的没有办法好好让我的脑袋放空或深思将来的路。心里那股焦虑和担心的心情不由自主地涌上心头，让我忐忑不安。

最近感觉莫名的担忧。我担心着自己的课业。但明明过得好好的，而且也坚持了这么久，还活了下来。到了此刻，最后一个学期，怎么还会感觉无法适应和不能大胆一些来接受课业上的挑战？我不明白。

事实上，我正麻木追求的是什么？

近期，课业逼着自己要去写一份简历。写着那份虚拟的简历，不断让我在想，我到底要追求一个怎样的生活。

看着一份在学校刊登的招聘广告，望着它，写着一份虚拟的简历。怎么我会觉得，在大学的三四年里，我白过了。

我终于明白，自己明明已经达到自己所要求的目标，为什么还会为课业如此的焦虑和担忧。

是因为我竟然觉得自己在之前该学的没有用心学好。我竟然觉得自己都没有学会些什么让自己学以致用的知识。不，应该说，是自己的慧根不够，所以不懂的如何学以致用。

所以现在的我在心里种下了自责感和伤感。是自己在过去的两三年里没有好好地念书，不懂得念书。

我不懂得念书。

此刻，在一些繁重的课业包围的日子里，我特别爱睡。只可惜，睡觉无法让我如愿地逃避挑战，它反倒让我为此而感觉更担忧和害怕。

普通课业；课程纲要；还有我的毕业论文。

老师，老师，老师。脑袋里不断浮现的，却是你的样子。

我可不可以不要那么仰慕你？

爱蔓延

但爱已渐渐蔓延

不管天暗或天亮

当我仰望

都是微笑

#过分爱 ·· 已盲目追随 ·· #

I am

I'm a year 3 third semester student. It will be my last semester, if everything goes smoothly.. I would like say, I miss school, now. 

This sounds crazy, but yes, I miss the school. I also thought I'm crazy, why would I miss a place where the facilities are so poor, a place where students get annoyed when they can't find a parking place with lower charges and get saman in the end due to illegal par. A place, where it doesn't have much food of choice, and there're more to count. But why I miss here? 

I grew. I literally grew here. Physically, (eh sounds abit wrong), mentally and psychologically. Here's the place where I start knowing more about myself, my directions. I got to know a bunch of great friends here. So happened we bumped together and shared the up and down together. We have about 10 in the group, different personality, different attitude towards academic, different view on world and life. We quarreled, we fought to group with people that we would like to work with. But we shared a group identify - no one can replicate who we are, because we are ourselves, and we shaped each other to be a better person in the group. I remembered, at once, I said, if there's a outstanding student in every semester intake in our department, I would say, in our group, each of us are the "legend" in different aspects. It is true. 

They used to tease me when I can't make it for the gathering and outings. To confess, I'm someone who has lots of comments and "no" when they propose an outing. I admitted that I've made lots of troubles, but I remembered one of their words touched me. "Everyone is the group is equal important. For each other." 

Everyone in the group has different story, and I have different story-line with each of them. But the pictures and memories from every story-lines are beautiful. I smile when I recall it now. Despite of the gender, religions and family background, we tried to shared issues in the deep of emotional stage. We tried to be truthful to each other, care about each other (but I think show the least), help each other as much as we could (and I know I'm not that helpful sometime) and etc.

At once I thought intimate relationship is important to me; at once I thought academic result is important to me; at once I thought family is important to me. And so? So what and who cares? Because at this moment, the value of friendship is significant to me. I don't know when the 'experiment' starts, when it got approval from ethics board and what data I've collected from these friends, but the result is significant.

I can see the bond within the group, and I can feel it. But I don't know how long it can maintain, and how many years counting. 

Maybe we lost contact after each other go into different path. Negatively, maybe we no longer contact each other anymore. But I believe, when we look back or so happen, stand in front of the school, we will get to recall all of the old memories in mind. 

Can't predict the future. Can't expect things happen as I wish. 

Live for this moment, therefore I feel grateful and appreciate because I know how important they are to me. 

And it's time to move on.

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