sticky notes

I used to add a "sticky note" on the desktop whenever there is something important or I tend to forget such as exam, assignment due date, special event and etc.  The most sticky notes that I "stick" on it is about 5, which is all about the coming exams and quiz; another 3 is about assignment, i think.

Everytimes, as time passes, the date getting closer and closer to the date written on the colourful "sticky note", I become more and more worry and anxious.  I would feel tension and pressure are acting on me, but I would wish it pass as fast as possible so I can delete the colourful thing on the desktop.  Whenever I deleted it, I feel like I'm relief, go through a war and pass through a hardship (even though it is not really a hardship) *just hyperbole.

It is really rare to make the sticky note to be deleted and disappear because no matter how much I delete, I will create another new again.  It is just like hydrologic cycle, which we called as water cycle when we learnt since we were young.  Everything cycle and recycle again.

This is a part of life that I'm having now.

Bear with it.

I'll get used to it. =)

第一次…我

碰巧在即将深夜的夜晚里想起光亮的“第一次”，所以把七月份的第一个文章、2012年的下半年的开始称为“第一次…我”。 我一直有很多事想写下，记录下来，但是偏偏进入了户口后却没有半点汹涌的浪潮涌上心头。要么就是当眼前的荧幕由蓝转黑，躺在舒服的床上后，才有海浪涌上脑海的意识。

为什么突然想起光亮的“第一次”就把题目题为“第一次…我”？

今天是大姐生日，却是我在近年里“第一次”没有和她在家庆祝的一次。感觉有点可惜，有点感叹。昨天在家的我，她却偏偏不切蛋糕，等到我今天回宿舍时才切。虽然透过skype唱生日快乐，看着她吹蜡烛切蛋糕，心里还是觉得可惜我不在，但却有着那一丁点暖暖的~

我知道大姐是疼我的。一直都是。虽然她时不时骂我，偶尔刺激我的愤怒，但她都是疼惜我的。至少我感觉到姐姐的疼爱。其实我觉得很幸福，有着很疼爱我的每一个人。

最近的生活有点像不知所措，心情有点像天气一样时晴时雨。我完成的我今年来“第一次”那么认真的论文。明天就是交成果的时候了。但是我却担心着。我花了不少时间、心情、耐力、努力去完成着一份值25%的论文。我跟它，不，是老师，因为批改的是老师。它不是我的敌人，但我还是跟它拼得三更半夜的…中间的欢乐是无价的；但当中的挫折和成败也是值得自我检讨的。

我坦诚经过这一个“第一次”，我学到了真的很多很多。我用尽自己的认真和耐心；我花尽空余的时间和睡眠，我真的希望这一次能够顺顺利利。因为我现在心中对明天到来的挣扎和心情实在无法释怀。我可惜看到眼前的错误却无法纠正；我内疚花了一大叠纸张对地球的伤害；我害怕明天论文换成绩的那一刻；我，不想面对。

但是在怎么都好，秒针滴一生声，12点。
我依旧无法改变。
时间会走，该到的都会来临。

“第一次”，我要好好面对眼前的考验。