写给即将告别2014，迎接2015的自己

我又看完一本书了。整个假期里，我不断告诉自己，我要好好规划时间。做些有意义的事，增进自我，充实时间。我还告诉自己，我要好好爱惜自己，不断地成长，而且卓越成长。因为所经历的事，所以我更清楚。

曾经我不太会把时间花在阅读身上；曾经我认为只要有事情做就代表没有浪费时间；曾经我以为努力后要好好给自己来个漫长的休息时间当作奖励；曾经，我盲目憎恨、讨厌及埋怨生活中的不如意，生命中所面对的两难。但渐渐地我不再单纯地阅读、随便地做事、不断地埋怨及持续地负面。我花更多时间在自我调整与思考身上；我读懂故事背后带来的意义和启发；我不但减少实行无味的事，而且我尽自己所能做些帮助他人且能提升自我的事；我不再觉得努力是件应该做的事，而是对自己生活的一种态度；渐渐地我也了解，很多事情或许是种定律。

“经历悲痛，所以知道欢乐的可贵；经历离别，所以珍惜团聚的滋味；经历过快乐，是因为体会过伤心。”

只要懂得生活上存在着这种定律，就不会拒绝继续找寻快乐的踪影；也不会在感受快乐或悲伤的极点时就此停顿。好的不好的都会走的，也会过的。之后，只要有那颗愿意的心，总会好起来的。

“都是成长的机会。”

感谢今年以来自己所面对的周遭事。这些都是让我成长的机会。事后我明白，所有自己经历的伤痛与考验，都是上天给予我成长的机会。

“我会哭，因为我是个有血有泪的人。”

我可以承认自己眼浅，可以承认自己是个爱哭鬼，也可以承认自己难过。感谢每次让我在你面前放肆大哭的你。谢谢你看着我哭，让我感受自己的痛。让我了解：我经历，我学习，我成长，所以我存在。

“能够经历成长，是件幸福的事。”

一夜间，感觉自己长大了。我想，没有什么事能够比成长带来的喜悦更有意义、更有价值。这份厚爱，我很珍惜。它让我明白：我曾经经历，所以我活过。

这年里所看见所感受所面对所经历的，我收在心里。对于这一切的种种，我心怀感激。甚至为此流泪。为过去的自己哭泣；为成长的自己落泪。

“对于一些在我生命中撒下学习与成长的种子的人们，我感激不已。一切，留在心灵深处。”

有些感激，已经转化成一串又一串的泪水。那些感激的泪，会一直寄放在心底某个深处，川流不息。就像一颗种子，被撒在一片宽敞的土地上，开始发芽，逐渐成长。

你的教会，我的领悟，接下来的路，都够用。

最后，我带着自己，跨越2014，迎向2015。

写给即将告别2014，迎接2015的自己。

30/12/2014 04.13am

My dream job

My dream job presentation day. I did all the preparation in rush. I actually wasn't  well prepared for the presentation. I couldn't speak fluently (used to be not speak fluently all the time anyway) and not explain everything in details. But surprisingly I got good feedbacks from my lecturer. Hahaha.. Just because of this, he made my day. Sometimes it is just so easy to feed me full with happiness. =P

Here is my group members and my presentation of our dream job. 

Research Psychologist • Forensic Psychologist • Marriage and Family Therapist• Military Psychologist • School Psychologist • Child Psychologist • Headhunter • Grief Counselor

Guess which is mine? Hah! Will see who achieve it at the end of the day =) 

We are the group of people who dare to dream big! 

段落

事情已经告一段落了… 虽然心情感觉很参杂，但却带着很平静，踏实的心。

经过了那么多的事情，那么多的挣扎，他都活过来了… 姐姐，他说过他会活过来的，他活过来了。他衷心，打从心底想对你说很多很多很多的谢谢。他会做一个很好的陈美青，做一个很好的人，继续做他自己，一个和你一样对未来很有憧憬，向好事执着我行我素，时时对自己微笑的陈美青。

谢谢你这段日子里陪伴他，教他一个又一个无止尽的知识，带着他，牵着他。他可以慢慢地翱翔，继续飞翔。

这一趟旅程好美，好美。谢谢你，天使。

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

其实我很想你，只是，我不知道有什么理由可以让我去找你。

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

有没有很积极地生活？有没有做着自己很爱做的事？

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

搬家了自己独处的时间长了是不是比较自在了？要记得吃，不要再吭饼干了。

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

是不是一样在强颜欢笑？傻乎乎的？

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

一切还好吗？我还在呢！没有离开过，但是学你那样看开了。辽阔了…

你最近还好吗？过得怎样了？

有没有很想念每次我一而再再而三不停地说故事？有没有早早睡觉做点你常做的事来发泄不满？

你最近好吗？过得怎样了？

我过得很好… 不再做无谓的事情也明白了满篇文章的字有多懊恼… 

你最近好吗？

过得怎样了？

我很好。真的。只是想你了。=)

我可以找你吗？

曾经有一天

我很想很想你

现在也如此

孩子

孩子，这些日子里你傻了

往后的日子，你要记得自己是个怎样的人

要做个怎样的人

自己要走的路和方向

还有

自己的底线

奔驰吧孩子

因为你已经知道自己要去的去向了

要不，就像红蜻蜓那样

勇敢地，强悍地
飞在那蔚蓝的天空

不断追逐你的梦

继续成长 继续飞远

你一定要，你一定要

cooking class

This is so called cooking class. Hahaha! My friend was so surprising when I told her I had cooking class with the children in refugee centre. She suspected on my cooking skills. In fact, the cooking class is.. To make a sandwich. Simple enough. It's not even a cooking class actually. Feel cheated? Hmm.. Yea.. But the children enjoyed the class so much until the class turned into a mess in the end. >,<''

I'm glad that I have such memorable event with the kids and mates once in life. There is nothing much I can do. But there are a lot for me to learn.

始终未来得及学会多几句阿拉伯语。但很感恩有这样的机会与你真正道别。我的小朋友，你要好好努力。做个乖孩子。愿你在成长的道路上继续勇往直前，奋斗到底。继续奔驰。

前后和你告别了两次。记得在第一次告别后的几个星期，当我顿时出现在你眼前的时候，我看见了你打从内心的笑容。也没有想过在一次告别后还会回到我们起初相遇相见的地方。叙别几个星期后，你的沟通能力进步了，词汇也增加了！心情感觉上更开朗了。记得第一次见你，我向你比手画脚，一直没有办法沟通。记得当时的你只会no和yes。还有nine和fine。当然还有hello和what。

看见你渐渐地进步，逐渐地成长。和你一起了解更多关于你的事，我感觉很快乐。我常问自己，到底自己可以给你些什么，帮助你什么。我也常问自己，我教你的对你有没有帮助，你是否真的了解明白。所以每次都会重复问你之前写下来的笔记，看图问你词汇。看你总是可以正确地回答。我感到很欣慰。很感动。

孩子，虽然和你相处的日子短暂，但我很珍惜。

我想这次会是真正的告别。感谢你陪我走过的这些日子。感谢我有机会和你说声告别。你很棒。是个很棒的孩子。

我会想念你的。

شكرا

既来之，则安之

我差点忘了在几个星期前

友人对我说过这句话

既然没有头绪，也没有妨碍到自己

那就随它吧随它则来，随它则去

既来之，则安之

懂了

Leave

Why do you want to let her go?

When you know she won't be happier for your leaving.

我喜欢，不，我爱

对着空白的纸，拿起熟悉的笔

想要抒发一些情绪，表达一些思绪

原本想画些什么；想写些什么

拿着笔，却无从下手

最后还是把笔给放下了

连续两天梦见了你

是因为一直想你的关系吗？

没有写

一点也没有写

所有的情绪思绪感觉都没有抒发出来

只在心中留了几个字

“我都记得”

那是多么深刻

如此难忘

难以忘怀的情节

两个人的咖啡

最终

“喜欢的还是你”

“不”

“是爱？”

Abang and Adik

传说中的… 

Abang and Adik 

My Year 2

It is abit late to talk about this, but I'm still insist to write about this after one week. Here I ended my second year of undergraduate studies. The feelings is like, "ah.. finally~"; but at the same time, I couldn't believe that two years of the degree course is over-ed! It is just in a blink of eye! I'm so grateful and thankful. To certain extent, I feel proud. The one who are reading this might think that there is nothing to proud of. Indeed, it might just like a simple and normal process that every uni students will go through. However, I'm proud of myself not simply because I've completed my year 2 subjects; instead, I'm proud of knowledge and everything that I've learnt throughout the year. Or maybe because I am satisfy with my own attitude towards studies for last semester? Hehehe!

One thought that come into my mind after the finals: Studying is hard. No? But for me, it is. At least, it is not easy.

-"Once you put a lot of efforts on something (studies), you will realize it is never easy. But it can be easily done once you've mastered it. There is when you feel the joy and satisfaction; which you(I) hope to achieve."-

No more weekly quiz.. hoho! People who know me actually know how this quizzes stress me throughout the semester. Although it is just quizzes, yet, I get nervous everytime. Can you guess the consequences? Once I'm nervous and scare, things go worse. I can't think of the answer, then start blaming on myself. And it ruins my mood. The cycle goes on and on. huuu... But thanks to the quizzes. I'm able to see my weaknesses and get to improve gradually. Eventually.

-"Seeing errors and weaknesses are not enough. The challenge is how to get it right."-

It has been a tough year for me. The toughest year. I would say. I failed myself in life, almost giving up on myself. I felt sick. Mentally and physically. I spent long time on coping and reconstruct myself throughout the year, and I'm still rebuild myself now.

I'm glad that I'm no longer need this med to help me in recovery

I wouldn't say the incidents that I've gone through are very intense and stressful. Everyone has their own definition of stress. But these incidents caused me to feel stressful and have huge impacts on me. I've learnt that there's no such categorization of "big issue" or "small issue" in resolving struggles in life. As long as it disrupted and affected your life, then it is important. and it needs to be solved.

-"There is no "big" or "small" issue. As long as it affects you, it's important and needs to be resolved."-

Experiencing these events are torturing. Seriously. But it actually makes me grow. I learn a lot from everything that I've gone through and everyone that I meet this year.

Everything past and I'm free. It's coming to the end. Does the wound still bleeding and painful? No. It's no longer bleeding. Painful? Yes, a little bit, and it left a scar on my skin. But what can I do? Life goes on. =)

-"Scar does not need to be visible to feel the pain. Stories behind the scar could be painful. But it is also memorable."

你还喜欢他吗？

今天和朋友聊起天

听他说说他最近的故事

我很用心聆听，很努力尝试明白

过程大约花了一个小时多… 他说，我听。不明白的地方，我问，他答。这样的轮回来来去去了好几回。

结束一切之前，我问了他一句：

“这一切的发生，到你经历了那总总地一切，那你还喜欢他吗？”

他简单地回答我：

“喜欢啊！但，我不可以。”

结果我们都笑笑。买了单，结束了对话。

-一个单纯的恋情。简单的相爱，却不能相恋。是这样的吗？-

-可惜的事，在这样的前提下，都不再单纯和简单。不是这样吗？-

-祝福你们-

-继续往前走-

 =) 

Focus to be a more confident person

Hey, please to be a more confident person. Remind yourself that you're actually doing what you should do, and what you need to do. You're doing it pretty well. Stop frightening yourself with the negative consequences and outcomes on unpredictable situations. You work hard on it, and you will get the return. Stop pushing yourself so hard to the extent where you hardly breath. 

Focus on what you should and what you need. Focus on things that you can do to make a change. You role your life. How do you think actually affect how do you react and behave. It's all about thoughts and belief. Focus on the right thing and believe yourself that you can always do it. Shape it, slowly.  

You're just you. You'll reach there one day. Learn from mistake, never repeat it again. Stay calm. To be a more confident, smarter and better person in life. Because you have long way to go.

认真

我喜欢认真做事

专心做一件事的自己

“你要记得，你是一个很固执的人。因为只有固执的人可以坚持他所坚持的。因为你固执，所以你有很多是你可以掌控的。你的手上，握着最强大的武器。”

真的

我还是喜欢那个认真的自己

Get up

有时候跌倒总比重新站起来容易

坐着总比竖立站直轻松

人类没有100分的完美。也没有十分的强壮。

但恰恰唯有选择站起来

跌倒了，绊倒了，站起来，重拾自己，

就已经是一个很强悍的体现。

It's time to learn how to stand up and make things done. 

I've been staying up until the early midnight recently. The situation becomes worse when I slowly staying awake from the late night until midnight and then early in the morning. I've been using the almost half of the midnight time on revising academic materials instead of sleeping. It's tiring sometimes. The progress goes very slowly. But the time I have is so limit. 

I should find something fun and interesting while revising notes. I should be enjoying reading the materials and understand the logic and reasons behind of chapters and theories. But it's hardly to do so under the time constraint.

It's very unhealthy. I don't really want to engage in this lifestyle. I'm going to get rid of it after all. That's why I'm doing count down for the coming holidays. I shall spend the holiday wisely and fully with enjoyment. I haven start planning anything yet but there're a few things that I'm looking forward and wishing to accomplish it during the holiday.

I'm free after 2/12. I'm going to have one month+ holiday. I'll try to enjoy it and do anything I can before entering third year of my undergraduate. Please invite me and ask me out if you are going to have fun and excited activities out there though I'm might not be physically ok for those activities. But I want to join and explore more. Regardless of whether it's eating, playing, traveling, shopping, working or adventuring, if I could, I will just give a try! Life is always about trial and error, isn't? It sounds irrelevant to link the statements together, but anyway, I just want to live my life fully! 

--

It's always good to think of what you want to do and what plan do you want to implement in the future. It can be a long term goal or a short term planning, as long as it is attainable. It can help you to identify what you are looking for, provide you a direction in life and understand yourself better because it's a kind of self reflection. Besides, thinking of the brightness in the future also can help you to boost your current energy to move forward, to get closer and closer of what you want to achieve. 

When you are tired, take a break, have a rest. Rethink your current situation, reset your mind, readjust your physical, mental and emotional state, then restart everything and move on. 

生命

以量著

我们从生命中体会

从生命中成长

从生命中领悟

不同的人，对于生命，总有不同的诠释。

但每一个生命，都值得被尊重。

要从生命中学习

Just the way you are

Sometimes we don't really need to care too much.  

Just hold the beliefs and keep the faiths.

and be confident, trust yourself.

If you believe it, you will try to do it and achieve it. It will lead you to the direction that you want to go eventually. 

If you think that you are amazing,

Then You are. 

You will be amazing as you think and how I see it in my eyes. 

If you think you are special, 

You are special as you think and you are the always special one. 

-You are amazing and I love you

Just as the way you are-

我愿意

我看见一个朋友，跟他通了电话… 让我感觉好心痛。他告诉近来的他经常和朋友去喝酒，直到三更半夜才回家。这样的生活，持续了几个月。他形容这班朋友为猪朋狗友。告诉我他不晓得自己什么时候会爆肝。我很高兴他愿意和我分享他的生活，让我能够更了解他的近况。但这样的他，真的让我担心不已。

他是个闪耀的一盏灯。总是在人群里发光发热。为无数的人群照亮大地。也像天空中，经常闪烁的星星。他曾经闪得耀眼，闪得光芒… 

可看见现在的他，我像是看见一颗颗破碎的砖石… 洒落满地… 一颗颗… 零碎满地… 但他依旧漂亮… 依旧闪烁… 

虽然破碎了… 但我依然想把那一颗颗破碎的钻石捡起来… 或许他再也没有办法可以结合起来变成一模一样，完美无瑕的一卡拉钻石。但或许他可以以别的模式亮相？我是这么想的。

不管他是一个完整的钻石，还是以碎钻串起来的手环。在我心中，他依然耀眼，依旧漂亮… 

我真真切切想让他找回自己，让他看见自己耀眼的那一面。如果可以，我愿意在这路上扶持他，和他一起走。因为我知道，这样的路，自己走，很辛苦。

我可以愿意和你一起走。但引导自己走向哪一样的前方，完全取决于你。你才是你生命的主导者呀。

我想说，去找自己，好吗？

是时候，重拾自己了。

或者我应该用激将法的对你说：二十岁人了… 你好不好为自己想一想，成熟点思考？为什么就是学不会不伤害自己？顾顾自己，你有家人有朋友需要照顾和关心的。他们需要你，如同你需要他们一样。不是吗？

···请你继续闪烁。因为每一个人，都拥有那个值得闪烁的机会。···

留不住

嗯，对啊，很多事情是留不住的

剩下的

就只会是脑海里

那黑白的画面
停留着

无论回忆多么努力地追，总是没有追到尽头的一天

···有些人努力地生活

有些人却努力生存着···

我们到底是在生活

还是生存？

据说，多半的人成天所做的都是为了生存

到底生存背后的意义是什么？

那生活呢？

你活着吗？

不，我要问的问题应该是

我活着吗？

值得思索


有时候
我需要很多时间去探讨
让思绪漫流


找灵魂

Crying; mthys; repress; paradoxical; self acceptance

I'm a person who cry easily. I was very frustrating with this trait until I realized that it's not a sin for crying. 

I was convinced that crying is a sign of weakness; crying means you can't handle your emotions well; crying doesn't solve any problems and it makes things worse and etc. 

Therefore I stop myself from crying. I stop allowing myself to express my emotions to anyone else.
I told myself to face the issues and solve it. Cry doesn't help and it won't make things work. Stop doing things that doesn't make things work. Instead, I need to fix it.

I thought repressing my emotions would make me focus more on task and be more rational when it comes to decision making. I insist to be someone who is tough, stable and capable in carry out anything in life. I want to be a better person. I thought stop crying showed that I'm able to manage my emotions; I thought stop crying indicated that I'm really a tough person and etc.

Somehow, results proved me wrong. I proved to myself that those beliefs are a bunch of myths. It is wrong. So wrong.

Emotional suppression renders me less capable in doing many things in life. Even though I try very hard not to allow any tears drop from my eyes, but deep in heart I might feel uncomfortable. I didn't fully express it and actions that I did was avoiding the emotions. I do not allow the emotions get involved especially when it comes to completing works related to academic and life decisions. I do not accept myself from being sad also. Slowly, I realized that I don't even accept myself. Because I'm acting as a person whom I am not, whom I don't want to be, whom I don't like.

In the end, I found that all of that thoughts were wrong. So wrong. Preventing myself and stopping myself from expressing my sadness by crying it out failed to fully resolve any of the issues. Ideally, stopping myself from crying and suppressing my emotions might serve a useful purpose. Ideally suppressing emotions transfer to energy motion that lead me to be a better person in handling adversity. Ideally. 

But I never know it would bring out negative effect as the more I insist to be a better person and the more I want to stop myself from being who am I at the beginning until I don't see any good outcomes from the believing thoughts. Paradoxical. So paradoxical. Someone actually pointed out that she saw a paradoxical effect on me through the conversation I had with her. The point that she brings up wakes me up all in a sudden and I see a clearer picture now.

We need our emotions. I need my emotions. I'm a person who have my own thought, my emotions and my own way of living the life. Recognize our feelings indirectly show that we are accepting who we are. I can only perform better when I accept myself as who I am. 

Crying isn't a sin. It's my coping mechanism. Not allowing myself from expressing my emotion and rejecting myself is cruel. I've my own way of living myself. 

~原来哭了之后不能算，还会生气，

脾气变得越来越糟，

是因为你在做一个你不喜欢的自己。~

Oh, I got it.
=)

Bro - you'll be okay.

I told this people that I'm not ok when I am really not ok few days back. I remembered that I used to talk to him anytime during school days. I remembered that we had a lot of fun memories together. But slowly, this people grow. He grows in a rapid speed. He makes me feel like I'm so immature and keep staying at the same point. I feel inferior and guilty sometimes because I'm far behind of him. But, slowly, I understand. And now, no matter how far I am behind him, seeing him getting closer and closer to success and doing things that he likes and enjoys, I feel really proud of him. He is just like my brother. Really. I will never get to have this kind of brother ever except him. He makes me grow, he teaches me, leads me, guides me, cheers me and concerns about me. He also scolded me, criticized me, showed of to me when I did something wrong and when he felt so proud of himself. That's why sometimes I'm scare of him also. Especially when I feel I'm not right. 

We often fight. Yes, we fight. But no matter how hard he scolds me, I know he's doing it for my own good. This is his ways of pushing me to move forward and only him dares to use this kind of approach on me! Although sometimes doesn't work, it probably making things even worse and we end up fighting again, but I will never fail to get motivation from him when I really need it. Like what he sent. 

He is nice sometimes; but he is like a devil at the same time. I like him, sayang him as brother; but I also hate him, so badly and seriously. Blahh!!! 

Ok, you make me feel better and really better when I am so so down the other day. I forgive you. LoL!! =P blahh pop! =)

Okay, this is really a good friend, a good brother that I met in life.

成长的眼泪

我哭着说：觉得自己没有成长、不懂得处理问题、不进则退

他则说：这一切的一切，你所经历的一切，都是在成长。那是一个成长的过程。现在你所掉的眼泪，每一点，每一滴… 都是成长的眼泪… 那是成长的眼泪。你在为自己的成长掉眼泪…


是，那是一个多么长气，多么忧伤的眼泪

姐姐 2

有时我在想，自己到底做了什么好事让上天送了这么可贵的礼物给我—让我遇见这样的你…

即使你在多么的遥远，任凭我不知道你在那个角落… 但你却能在我觉得很需要你的时候突然把一个温暖的被单递给我，把它将我盖得非常安稳。非常安稳。

我很感谢你带给我的每一份惊喜与礼物。很感激你对我的厚待。更令我感动的是，纵然我们不知道对方在哪个角落，纵然我们不知道对方现在状态如何，但你却能感受到此刻我有多么地需要你。所以你送来了很真切的关心给我。

谢谢你。谢谢你如此疼爱我。
谢谢你如此尽责。

情书 1

你是我目前写过最美丽的情书

=')

Cafe . Waiting . Love . Again?!

This movie is pretty hit and popular among the teenage and adolescent groups recently. There're lots of quotations come from the movie and it seems like fitting quite well into everyone's life and it's spreading all over the social media. 

Friends gave appraisals to the movie and said that it is very touching and meaningful movie. Everyone seems like able to find himself and fit himself in any character in the movie. 

But too bad. I didn't watch it. I haven watch it. However, this is giving me an opputunities to brainstorm and guessing about the storyline. Without script, without knowing the flow, without knowing the character. It's like life,we wouldn't know what is happening next, who is coming next in the life journey, but to experience it by ourselves. I'm the director and writer of the scene. That would be more meaningful. 

But if I would have the chance, or someone asks me to watch it in appropriate time, there's a high possibilities that I will say Yes. I've long time didn't step into cinema. LoL! 

Mainstream

很mainstream地… 

在车上拍照

好像有点真的太白hor?

嗯，像朋友说的那样
这张是拿来<吓人>的


***
有时候

对自己微笑，是最大的安慰

因为我，喜欢自己的笑容
***

累

我很累。我真的很累。

...走得很累...

掉牙

Hey, 你还记得她吗？ ;') 那是我和你提起过的一个小女孩，当时你还说着不明白她的爸爸为什么要把女儿的照片放上网，是让他的女儿红吗？还是成名等等。你说，即使未来你帮你女儿拍下照片，也一定不会那样放。因为你不喜欢，很不喜欢… 总之，你就是不认同。

她长大咯！看，她门牙掉了，却依然笑得很开心，笑得很灿烂。她的父亲一样为她拍着很多很多照片。一张张照片，记录着她的生活点滴。

--

我想起了自己小时候掉牙的时候。我记得那年的我空着门牙，笑的时候都不敢露牙齿。因为担心被别人笑，因为怕被人家批评自己吃太多的糖而掉牙了。但事实上，小时候的我并没有经常吃糖。而被那样扣帽子的感觉很不是滋味。

我不反驳，从不反驳，一路以来都不敢反驳。

我凭什么反驳？怎么可以反驳？

--
可有谁知道，那样的嘲笑，那样的“诬赖”，对那小时候的孩子有何影响？谁晓得，那样的经历会为她的成长带来怎么样的变化？又有谁会预算到，多年后，那是一个怎么样的延生？

但又有谁，可以理解，可以明白，可以站在那小孩的思维去体会，去感受原来那在大人们眼中看似无伤大雅的“玩笑”对孩子来说是一个“多大的玩笑”。

我很佩服乔乔在门牙掉落后，等待新牙萌芽的时候依旧可以像以往开嘴地笑。很开心，很自然，很天真的那个笑容。至少这个阶段她没有被“无伤大雅”的“玩笑”照成她多年后，内心的“无心伤害'。

                             

                                                          

她的牙齿渐渐一颗颗地掉了…换上了新牙。意味着时间也慢慢地过去了，她长大了。

没有了牙齿，她还依旧笑着。灿烂地笑着。天真地笑着。


那你呢？
那我呢？


我们呢？;)

Life-Span Development

Owner:: Lovely Heng Jean Senior <3 p="">

aww.. 

It's just a quiz Jacquelyn Tan! 

Just a quiz! 

Why you wanna spend whole night(no, its whole midnight) on the little quiz? 

Throughout 7 weeks,

I've almost done half of a person life.

Such a quick life development.

If you found that I haven sleep at the late midnight,

I'm probably going through such life development.

Perhaps there's no much things could make me stay awake and motivate me to moving on at this particular period.

I'll need to place my attention on it because I have no other focus to put on.

In the appropriate explanation would be::

I can't make myself focus on other things because I can't take it.

I'm just a slow taker. I'll get use to it.

No, I mean I will overcome it.

Life is too short.
Live longer.

Sleep lesser.

-.-

Request

Sometimes I find it hard to make request. I always feel that I'm inappropriate to make any request. I always keep it with myself instead of saying it out unless I really can't bear with the current situation and I think that the changes after requesting could make a huge impact on me.

I take the courage to request on something that I wish for. But I did it in a negative feeling moment, when I'm not really conscious of being rational and sensible. My emotion takes charge of my action during that time. 

After all, when I send out the request, I start feeling nervous and worry. And I got back this reply:

Thank you for your quick reply. Thank you for understanding my stand. And Thank you for taking my request into consideration. 

But what should I reply you? When my rationality has triumphed back, and I feel that the request is inappropriate and I don't deserve it. 

Hold back the request? Or just let it be? 

… … … … … …

I'll never regret with what I've done. When I decided to make the request, it already indicated that I'm really hoping for the better outcomes. The emotions were just a tool, that helped me to gain the courage to make it into action.

23/06/2014

ps: I'll never regret to do this request months ago because it makes me become who I am today. 

Thank you. 

奔跑

既然在路上了

那就继续奔跑吧~

爱生活

爱体验

爱感受

keep running in the journey

-I can't afford to stop at any point in my life now-

习惯

早上起身驾车去到火车站搭火车

等火车

转火车

走路到达目的地

似乎成了一个习惯

一个routine 

可雨可下得大了

大到几乎把看不见前方的风景

结果只好乖乖坐着，等雨下得小一些

最近这样的routine也让我有了一个习惯

等待的同时，在安全的情况下，我会看书

等待•看书•routine

-是习惯-

那天起，我喜欢上搭火车

喜欢上它的原因是因为我喜欢坐在火车上看着外面一幕又一幕的风景

看着每一站上火车和下火车的人群

看着窗外一栋又一栋的大厦

从高处眺望外面的视野

真的很不一样

它给我不同的感觉

它给我在巴士和车上体会不到的感觉

重点在于

踏上火车

我可以毫无目的的随着火车行驶

我可以随时下站

随时转路线

它不会有走错路的时候

我不会有迷路的时候

Voice recording

I always get quite nervous when I receive her reply in any form. Whether it's a phone call, whatsApp, text messaging or even email. I will jump straight to read it immediately (if it's in text form) or leave it until I've done replying others (if there is other msg to reply) because I tend to read and reply "important" people's msg in the last. (People who know me, especially you, lsh, will know about it)~ ;)

Honestly I'm quite afraid of her sometimes. She's just too strict, but sometimes she's so funny and cute, in which her characters would make me laugh non-stop like what she did to me just now. 

I've already deal with her for meeting up at somewhere in the afternoon and the conversation is ended. While everything is settled (after a few hours), she spontaneously sent me a recording by asking me if it's inconvenience for me to reach the destination (she's just warm & sweet sometimes while putting her strictness and seriousness face aside.). She told me that it's just because we didn't have the chance to have a lunch and taking pictures since the last time we meet up. See, she's just innocent and able to tell everything to me in which she is hoping.

I've lots of name from her. She always address me in many names like Mei Qing, Xiao Mei, Mei Mei, Qin Ai De, Ah Mei, Xiao Gua and etc.. All this make me feel that I'm so young and I'm a little child in her eyes. That's why I'm afraid of her most of the time.

Her voice recording message made my day. She makes me feel that she cares and values me like what she has mentioned to me previously. And her voice is pleasant to listen, or I would say it's graceful. 

This make me believe that people who work in this field will need to be good in language other than great communication skills. Of course, the way you present an idea and the way you speak play an important role as well. This remind me of my phonological skills, ways for improvement tmc!

兴趣的票根

倒数一天

那天和一个朋友聊天… 他忽然好奇地问了我，“其实你的兴趣到底是什么？” 我看着他，和别人叫我自我介绍的反应有点相识，只是在他面前，我想到什么就说什么，不像为了一些事情而需要提前做准备。虽然说的都是自己，但准备后说出口的时候还有点别扭。

对于那个问题，我直接跳入重点地说了纲要，也没有解释太多。或许我不太晓得，或许我不太分享的原因在于担心得不到认同？我很少向人述说我的兴趣是什么，以后出来要做什么，自己喜欢什么，将来向往怎么样的生活等等… 就连很亲的朋友或家人也不太晓得… 或许只有一些比较特殊关系的人知道些… 我想只有一个人大概知道，因为他是开启钥匙的人。

可能我喜欢的有好多个；我想要的有好几个个；我能去追的似乎一个时间只有一个。但我没有必要向人交代，没有可能好好地向每一个身边的人询问得知认同。

有时我做的未必是自己真正对未来想要的，只是想体验，好奇，体会一下；有时一些事情不是自己刻意要追求的，只是有时很幸运地有这样的机会；有时不是静静沉默不作声的就是自己不喜欢，很抗拒的路，只是有时还没有把自己武装得好，准备去迎战…

最后友人还是看了看我… 对我说了一句：“好好表现”…

这一句“好好表现”，意义非凡。让我原本带着“随性”的心态演变成开始“重视”的心态，背着一点“压力”的身份，也持着“要做到很好”，“表现优异”的态度去面对这次所得的机会。

入门票票根我拿了，就要附上那个责任… 吊儿郎当，随随便便？那还不是我。我会珍惜每一个得到票根的机会，更会把握持着一张票根的掌控权，告诉高抬贵手递我票根的叔伯兄弟证明，训练我的人没有白训；相信我人格的人没有看错人；对我表扬的人有眼光；生活上课业上学习到的知识没有白流；给我票根的选择：没，有，错。

那到底我实实在在喜欢的是什么、兴趣到底在哪里、最想得到去哪里的通行证？

呵… 这个问题，对你重要？

或许等你以后看我长大，看着我成长的多年后的我在做什么，都在做着什么的时候，你可能可以找到我的答案。但准确度有待验证，因为可能我做的不是自己喜欢的。有时候不是喜欢，兴趣两个字可以当饭吃。

所以啊… 

喜欢、兴趣、生活、期待、盼望、票根、通行证这些事，得空的时候，都很值得思考。

怎么就是要临时抱佛脚 TT

我放弃

此刻突然好想在脸书上写着“我放弃”三个字。

但是我不行，我不可以再一次不在乎他人的感受；更不可以让自己沦陷回去。即使脑袋里出现了这样的字眼，最后还是把它给吞了回去。

因为我清楚知道自己要的是什么

因为我清楚记得自己许下的承诺

因为我清楚知道

都知道

与其一面想着“我放弃”

我对自己说着：

“我不放弃；我坚持我所坚持的”

提醒自己

坚持的是什么

因为我知道
很多事情在等着我
很多人在等着我

Turning wounds into wisdom

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. 

Life make me think of roller coaster, it goes up and down. It's challenges. Some people scream and enjoy the game while sitting in, some people cry and vomit when they get down. It's a high stimulation game. 

One thing that different life and roller coaster is we can choose to play on the roller coaster or stand aside and watch people playing on it; whereas we can't choose whether we want to sit on the journey of life like roller coaster. We have to.

Can't deny that many things happen realistically in the world. 

We get hurt when we falls; but we get honored when we are at the top. 

Nothing remain constant all the time. Nothing can stay for last like how it was at the initial state or I could say.

Regardless of pride or misery, both are transferable and changeable. 

-There's no wounds that can't be recovered and no constant pain for injuries.-

-Start turning your wounds into wisdom-

-Make things work-

My homework starts here. 

I don't really feel like completing this work.

Maybe it is because 

Filling it up doesn't mean it is a good sign of accomplish. 

And guess what, 

I wrote this three months ago. 

(There're lots more posts haven been uploaded. I tend to save it in drafts and post it later, or months later sometimes)

Did I finish and fill up the form?

Yes I did. 

It filled up fully.

~Threes months have gone.~

有点佩服自己这个时候还清醒着… 多久没有让自己每个晚上都比较迟睡了？几个月？嗯… 

我想念那时很爱睡却没有睡，一直不要睡，像现在这样呆到那么迟，甚至更迟的夜晚… 有讲不完的话… 天马行空的想象… 

很辽阔… 很自在… 很自己… 更总要的是，很

开心。

发自内心的快乐

最初的。

于

14年某月某日

Elmo

我想是你，我知道你很关心我。你曾对我说过一番又一番提及我的话，我都有在听，都有记下来好好存放在我的脑袋里。

现在的我过得好一些了，真的有好一些。虽然没有完全痊愈，但是我会时时提醒自己现在应该做的事，不放太多压力给自己。虽然很容易再次把自己逼去墙角，但我会ok起来的。我已经好很多了。
还是会很难喘气，还是会随时跌倒，还是会很容易疲累，还是会很脆弱。但是我会好起来的。

谢谢你让我哭得那么汹涌，无论在电话还是见面。除了你，学校里没有多少个人看见这一面的我。我想你是唯一一位，听见我哭得如此崩溃的那位。

我本来就很固执，我本来就很硬撑。我不知道接下来我做的对不对，好不好，但我一定会随时想起你。记得有一个这样的你出现在我的生命里，在我脆弱卑微的时候。真的。

有机会，我们一定会再见。

The Elmo。

The 大爷。

所有所有你教我的仿佛刚刚才发生。所有美好的，仿佛就刚发生，还热烫着，在我心里……

专

他哭了… 他决定不拿了… 他只想安安分分地做好一个学生的角色… 什么也不想想了… 难过伤心可以是必然，但呻吟就不是给自己的一个借口…

“陈美青，决定了就去做”

"Steady ah Jacquelyn Tan"

“你知道每当你做了什么就会有什么样的后果”

“你没有可能不知道，你知道的…”

“你是一个对自己有要求的人…”

这些话语一直都在我耳边回响… 

呼唤我的… 你要做到，你一定要做到；你可以做到，你一定可以做到。

•-•接下来什么也不做，就只是专一做好一件事。•-•

“能够做好一件事，已经是一件很棒的事。” “专一比专注更人性；比专情更实际”— 李欣怡

专一，是一种高尚思维的能力体现。—李欣怡

用手写“日记”

我没有彪民那么厉害出书写故事… 也不会像他用左手写的日记那样说故事…

我只会用手写的“日记”… 而且是右手… 一份，不需要我朗读的日记… 一份完完全全用我双手写画的“日记”… 也是一份说他人的“日记”…

我没有想到它会有这么厚… 

辛苦你了，听故事的人… 

那个
会听故事的人

There's s a long msg

I received a very long msg today when I on my whatsApp after class. It was really surprising. It's so long that just make me smile suddenly while talking to my friend (my hand was holding hp and checking whatsApp). It's too long until I just smiled at it without reading it because I want to find a good time to read the long meaningful passage. Haha.. It's really surprising to get such long reply. No one has sent me such long msg I guess. Probably yes, there is someone, but this is still surprising.

Alright, take good care there in don't know how many miles away from here and just make your life fully and just enjoy it. I don't need to talk much to you about all these because I know you will know it or even knew it more compare to me! So.. Just be the way you are. 

我不喜欢送机，也不习惯送机… 即使你问我，我会很坦然地告诉你我不要，因为我会震不住那个场面…无论头脑思绪有多清晰最后我也会看不清那个画面…

同样的，如果以后我有机会飞，或许需要飞，请任何一个你也不需要做这些送机的动作。

现在的你在机上了… 你会过得很好，一切都会很顺利的… 我会努力做着自己应该做的事，为后来铺路… 再一一实现承诺过要达成的目标… 

就像你说的，嗯，我们两年后，再见。

Acknowledge?  Acknowledge. 

那我们，先追各自的梦吧！

飞机上，你到几公里了？