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I'm a person who cry easily. I was very frustrating with this trait until I realized that it's not a sin for crying.
I was convinced that crying is a sign of weakness; crying means you can't handle your emotions well; crying doesn't solve any problems and it makes things worse and etc.
Therefore I stop myself from crying. I stop allowing myself to express my emotions to anyone else.
I told myself to face the issues and solve it. Cry doesn't help and it won't make things work. Stop doing things that doesn't make things work. Instead, I need to fix it.
I thought repressing my emotions would make me focus more on task and be more rational when it comes to decision making. I insist to be someone who is tough, stable and capable in carry out anything in life. I want to be a better person. I thought stop crying showed that I'm able to manage my emotions; I thought stop crying indicated that I'm really a tough person and etc.
Somehow, results proved me wrong. I proved to myself that those beliefs are a bunch of myths. It is wrong. So wrong.
Emotional suppression renders me less capable in doing many things in life. Even though I try very hard not to allow any tears drop from my eyes, but deep in heart I might feel uncomfortable. I didn't fully express it and actions that I did was avoiding the emotions. I do not allow the emotions get involved especially when it comes to completing works related to academic and life decisions. I do not accept myself from being sad also. Slowly, I realized that I don't even accept myself. Because I'm acting as a person whom I am not, whom I don't want to be, whom I don't like.
In the end, I found that all of that thoughts were wrong. So wrong. Preventing myself and stopping myself from expressing my sadness by crying it out failed to fully resolve any of the issues. Ideally, stopping myself from crying and suppressing my emotions might serve a useful purpose. Ideally suppressing emotions transfer to energy motion that lead me to be a better person in handling adversity. Ideally.
I told myself to face the issues and solve it. Cry doesn't help and it won't make things work. Stop doing things that doesn't make things work. Instead, I need to fix it.
I thought repressing my emotions would make me focus more on task and be more rational when it comes to decision making. I insist to be someone who is tough, stable and capable in carry out anything in life. I want to be a better person. I thought stop crying showed that I'm able to manage my emotions; I thought stop crying indicated that I'm really a tough person and etc.
Somehow, results proved me wrong. I proved to myself that those beliefs are a bunch of myths. It is wrong. So wrong.
Emotional suppression renders me less capable in doing many things in life. Even though I try very hard not to allow any tears drop from my eyes, but deep in heart I might feel uncomfortable. I didn't fully express it and actions that I did was avoiding the emotions. I do not allow the emotions get involved especially when it comes to completing works related to academic and life decisions. I do not accept myself from being sad also. Slowly, I realized that I don't even accept myself. Because I'm acting as a person whom I am not, whom I don't want to be, whom I don't like.
In the end, I found that all of that thoughts were wrong. So wrong. Preventing myself and stopping myself from expressing my sadness by crying it out failed to fully resolve any of the issues. Ideally, stopping myself from crying and suppressing my emotions might serve a useful purpose. Ideally suppressing emotions transfer to energy motion that lead me to be a better person in handling adversity. Ideally.
But I never know it would bring out negative effect as the more I insist to be a better person and the more I want to stop myself from being who am I at the beginning until I don't see any good outcomes from the believing thoughts. Paradoxical. So paradoxical. Someone actually pointed out that she saw a paradoxical effect on me through the conversation I had with her. The point that she brings up wakes me up all in a sudden and I see a clearer picture now.
We need our emotions. I need my emotions. I'm a person who have my own thought, my emotions and my own way of living the life. Recognize our feelings indirectly show that we are accepting who we are. I can only perform better when I accept myself as who I am.
We need our emotions. I need my emotions. I'm a person who have my own thought, my emotions and my own way of living the life. Recognize our feelings indirectly show that we are accepting who we are. I can only perform better when I accept myself as who I am.
Crying isn't a sin. It's my coping mechanism. Not allowing myself from expressing my emotion and rejecting myself is cruel. I've my own way of living myself.
~原来哭了之后不能算，还会生气，
脾气变得越来越糟，
是因为你在做一个你不喜欢的自己。~
Oh, I got it.
=)
=)
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