Stop

We were playing some old school games -- "the train" and "the egg"
:)

-- Even my friends are fed up with my trait of overly care about what others say and how others look at me as an individual. 

It was a public holiday yesterday. Gratefully, I got to meet up with friends and spent sometimes together. It has been awhile since last gathering. 

The topics that we discussed couldn't run away from job and future direction. I guess these two could be the main issues that we, as fresh graduates, are facing now. 

Knowing that I'm one of the individual who stucks in the mid of the junction, I tried to disclose myself to the bunch of my friend. Even my friends are fed up with me because I always cared about the judgement and the labelling that I got from others. 

It's true. I shall move to the direction which can lead me to my goal. Taking others' words as a guideline is fine, but overly concerns about other people's perspectives and judgemental would slowly make me become a slave...

想

或许没有一辈子，但至少当下是如此的significant. 或许不只是说的一句话，而是彼此的原意放在心上的交心… 让我感觉如此的欣慰。

谢谢你让我用这样的方式去爱你⋯ 

再也不管是否真诚，不管是否傻气；

我需要自己去寻找那个对自己最对最真的信心，而不再是从别人获取的安全感⋯ 

越想越思念；越追越感觉遥远—

我又再次想起你… 微笑地想起你… :) 

很

想念你

你的心有多大

人生的舞台就会有多大

能够开阔的视野就越广

照片取自：988 DJ：彪民

在这种深夜的夜晚总有种种的思绪不断地刺激脑袋里的神经⋯ 在家凭空休息的日子总让我觉得自己应该为下一段旅途做些准备功课… 

而现在的我已经开启了新的一段旅程… 人家都说，开始总是最难走的一步… 对，很难⋯ 我一直说，自己败给了自己的情感… 我对以往的一切都太眷念了！而我也不时地在比较… 明知道不应该，却无意中比了下来… 

我清楚知道自己需要的是什么… 写了篇简短的文章想给你… 那是一篇，我希写完之后我能得到抒发的文字… 虽然还有很多担忧和恐惧，但我想以真心和真诚地写出你在我眼里有个特别的地位… 或许我很傻，或许我很天真… 

没事。我记得友人对我说过，生命会找到出口的…

20/6/2016

结果16年的八月，我的生命是否又找到曙光了?

会想念

有时觉得没有很想念

时而看回去 

才会发现很想念

想念

真的想念

现在走的 

是不是对的

向前走

沿路的风景

我学习

微笑 学习

满足

都怪自己为了满足自己的味蕾，放纵地喝下杯热咖啡⋯ 

12.19am 这时刻，我想睡，但却睡不着觉⋯ 

这是一种，任性的后果⋯ 

而我现在却处于，想睡却睡不着觉；想延续拼凑思绪却无法集中注意的状态⋯ 

August

It has been sometimes since my last update. I wanted to post something as there're always insights / thoughts coming into my mind. But those are coming in rapidly until I couldn't capture it into words. Spending too much time on reflection but end up getting nothing. It is either I refuse to go into my deeper thoughts / inner voice, or I get distracted by others. Time is so limited for me. Perhaps it is just an excuse.

I just want to type anything that came into my mind quickly before I lost it. Hence, the sentences might not be so relevant after one another.

Before I forget, I would like to take this opportunity to, firstly, thank someone. Not sure why but I think of this person recently, and really want to say thank you. Just a simple thank you. To whom, to the person who read this. I know you would read this, and you will never miss anything that I wrote here, for years. Not much, just a simple thank you to you. Hope you are doing well there and enjoy your life there. :)

Secondly, I really have so much to voice out and I would really like to take some times typing out everything that kicks into my mind. I just lost somewhere and somehow, I have too much disturb thoughts until I keep telling myself I'm lost and I don't know. But I believe that I will go back to the right track and I'm going back to the right track, or I'm already on the right track.

People told me I have been too harsh to myself. Am I? I never realise until more and more people are telling me that. I have been forcing myself not to do this and not to do that instead of acknowledge the happening. I have strong sense of responsibility until the guilt is planted in my heart when I couldn't perform what I think I should / what people expected me to perform.

I have so much dreams at night, and I guess I'm getting closer and closer to my unconscious thoughts.

What would it be.

This is a messy, unstructured updated post, really.
I will keep it update. I will.

I'm afraid

I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you will forget me after few years, just like you cant remember the lady. (Even now, the anxiety due to the thought of losing you  is still there. Although it's no longer that strong, but the worries are there.) 

I guess I couldn't take it if I really lost you in my life. (But in fact I can, I think. I have to, eventually, isn't?)
Yes, I understand that people come and people go, no one would stay long.
But I have been treating you as my friend, even part of my family.
I cherish you. (You may or may not know how much I cared about you. But it's ok.)

I hope we get to share more about our lives when we meet up.
I wish we could have the chance to share each others' stories.
I hope someday we get to spend the time together, and share our deeper thoughts and feelings as I would like to know you better.
I wish we could spend a little of our time on simple greetings to each other (because I feel warm if some of my friends did that to me) and
I hope we will get to spend the time together in doing anything like travelling.

But this may, or may not happen at all.

Nonetheless, I'll embrace the feelings, and accept the fact that I value you instead of telling myself not to care about you so much due to the fear of lost. (Did I? Did I really do what I previously wrote? Seems like until now only I'm able to realise that I've been in the denial state and avoiding myself from being overly attached with you.) 

This post was originally written in early of July. As I realise that there's no any update post for July, I insist to post up some update for July due to my obsessive personality. (...) are some words that I just added when I read back to what I wrote earlier. 

Since when, I would be able to do it..?