掉牙

Hey, 你还记得她吗？ ;') 那是我和你提起过的一个小女孩，当时你还说着不明白她的爸爸为什么要把女儿的照片放上网，是让他的女儿红吗？还是成名等等。你说，即使未来你帮你女儿拍下照片，也一定不会那样放。因为你不喜欢，很不喜欢… 总之，你就是不认同。

她长大咯！看，她门牙掉了，却依然笑得很开心，笑得很灿烂。她的父亲一样为她拍着很多很多照片。一张张照片，记录着她的生活点滴。

--

我想起了自己小时候掉牙的时候。我记得那年的我空着门牙，笑的时候都不敢露牙齿。因为担心被别人笑，因为怕被人家批评自己吃太多的糖而掉牙了。但事实上，小时候的我并没有经常吃糖。而被那样扣帽子的感觉很不是滋味。

我不反驳，从不反驳，一路以来都不敢反驳。

我凭什么反驳？怎么可以反驳？

--
可有谁知道，那样的嘲笑，那样的“诬赖”，对那小时候的孩子有何影响？谁晓得，那样的经历会为她的成长带来怎么样的变化？又有谁会预算到，多年后，那是一个怎么样的延生？

但又有谁，可以理解，可以明白，可以站在那小孩的思维去体会，去感受原来那在大人们眼中看似无伤大雅的“玩笑”对孩子来说是一个“多大的玩笑”。

我很佩服乔乔在门牙掉落后，等待新牙萌芽的时候依旧可以像以往开嘴地笑。很开心，很自然，很天真的那个笑容。至少这个阶段她没有被“无伤大雅”的“玩笑”照成她多年后，内心的“无心伤害'。

                             

                                                          

她的牙齿渐渐一颗颗地掉了…换上了新牙。意味着时间也慢慢地过去了，她长大了。

没有了牙齿，她还依旧笑着。灿烂地笑着。天真地笑着。


那你呢？
那我呢？


我们呢？;)

Life-Span Development

Owner:: Lovely Heng Jean Senior <3 p="">

aww.. 

It's just a quiz Jacquelyn Tan! 

Just a quiz! 

Why you wanna spend whole night(no, its whole midnight) on the little quiz? 

Throughout 7 weeks,

I've almost done half of a person life.

Such a quick life development.

If you found that I haven sleep at the late midnight,

I'm probably going through such life development.

Perhaps there's no much things could make me stay awake and motivate me to moving on at this particular period.

I'll need to place my attention on it because I have no other focus to put on.

In the appropriate explanation would be::

I can't make myself focus on other things because I can't take it.

I'm just a slow taker. I'll get use to it.

No, I mean I will overcome it.

Life is too short.
Live longer.

Sleep lesser.

-.-

Request

Sometimes I find it hard to make request. I always feel that I'm inappropriate to make any request. I always keep it with myself instead of saying it out unless I really can't bear with the current situation and I think that the changes after requesting could make a huge impact on me.

I take the courage to request on something that I wish for. But I did it in a negative feeling moment, when I'm not really conscious of being rational and sensible. My emotion takes charge of my action during that time. 

After all, when I send out the request, I start feeling nervous and worry. And I got back this reply:

Thank you for your quick reply. Thank you for understanding my stand. And Thank you for taking my request into consideration. 

But what should I reply you? When my rationality has triumphed back, and I feel that the request is inappropriate and I don't deserve it. 

Hold back the request? Or just let it be? 

… … … … … …

I'll never regret with what I've done. When I decided to make the request, it already indicated that I'm really hoping for the better outcomes. The emotions were just a tool, that helped me to gain the courage to make it into action.

23/06/2014

ps: I'll never regret to do this request months ago because it makes me become who I am today. 

Thank you. 

奔跑

既然在路上了

那就继续奔跑吧~

爱生活

爱体验

爱感受

keep running in the journey

-I can't afford to stop at any point in my life now-

习惯

早上起身驾车去到火车站搭火车

等火车

转火车

走路到达目的地

似乎成了一个习惯

一个routine 

可雨可下得大了

大到几乎把看不见前方的风景

结果只好乖乖坐着，等雨下得小一些

最近这样的routine也让我有了一个习惯

等待的同时，在安全的情况下，我会看书

等待•看书•routine

-是习惯-

那天起，我喜欢上搭火车

喜欢上它的原因是因为我喜欢坐在火车上看着外面一幕又一幕的风景

看着每一站上火车和下火车的人群

看着窗外一栋又一栋的大厦

从高处眺望外面的视野

真的很不一样

它给我不同的感觉

它给我在巴士和车上体会不到的感觉

重点在于

踏上火车

我可以毫无目的的随着火车行驶

我可以随时下站

随时转路线

它不会有走错路的时候

我不会有迷路的时候

Voice recording

I always get quite nervous when I receive her reply in any form. Whether it's a phone call, whatsApp, text messaging or even email. I will jump straight to read it immediately (if it's in text form) or leave it until I've done replying others (if there is other msg to reply) because I tend to read and reply "important" people's msg in the last. (People who know me, especially you, lsh, will know about it)~ ;)

Honestly I'm quite afraid of her sometimes. She's just too strict, but sometimes she's so funny and cute, in which her characters would make me laugh non-stop like what she did to me just now. 

I've already deal with her for meeting up at somewhere in the afternoon and the conversation is ended. While everything is settled (after a few hours), she spontaneously sent me a recording by asking me if it's inconvenience for me to reach the destination (she's just warm & sweet sometimes while putting her strictness and seriousness face aside.). She told me that it's just because we didn't have the chance to have a lunch and taking pictures since the last time we meet up. See, she's just innocent and able to tell everything to me in which she is hoping.

I've lots of name from her. She always address me in many names like Mei Qing, Xiao Mei, Mei Mei, Qin Ai De, Ah Mei, Xiao Gua and etc.. All this make me feel that I'm so young and I'm a little child in her eyes. That's why I'm afraid of her most of the time.

Her voice recording message made my day. She makes me feel that she cares and values me like what she has mentioned to me previously. And her voice is pleasant to listen, or I would say it's graceful. 

This make me believe that people who work in this field will need to be good in language other than great communication skills. Of course, the way you present an idea and the way you speak play an important role as well. This remind me of my phonological skills, ways for improvement tmc!

兴趣的票根

倒数一天

那天和一个朋友聊天… 他忽然好奇地问了我，“其实你的兴趣到底是什么？” 我看着他，和别人叫我自我介绍的反应有点相识，只是在他面前，我想到什么就说什么，不像为了一些事情而需要提前做准备。虽然说的都是自己，但准备后说出口的时候还有点别扭。

对于那个问题，我直接跳入重点地说了纲要，也没有解释太多。或许我不太晓得，或许我不太分享的原因在于担心得不到认同？我很少向人述说我的兴趣是什么，以后出来要做什么，自己喜欢什么，将来向往怎么样的生活等等… 就连很亲的朋友或家人也不太晓得… 或许只有一些比较特殊关系的人知道些… 我想只有一个人大概知道，因为他是开启钥匙的人。

可能我喜欢的有好多个；我想要的有好几个个；我能去追的似乎一个时间只有一个。但我没有必要向人交代，没有可能好好地向每一个身边的人询问得知认同。

有时我做的未必是自己真正对未来想要的，只是想体验，好奇，体会一下；有时一些事情不是自己刻意要追求的，只是有时很幸运地有这样的机会；有时不是静静沉默不作声的就是自己不喜欢，很抗拒的路，只是有时还没有把自己武装得好，准备去迎战…

最后友人还是看了看我… 对我说了一句：“好好表现”…

这一句“好好表现”，意义非凡。让我原本带着“随性”的心态演变成开始“重视”的心态，背着一点“压力”的身份，也持着“要做到很好”，“表现优异”的态度去面对这次所得的机会。

入门票票根我拿了，就要附上那个责任… 吊儿郎当，随随便便？那还不是我。我会珍惜每一个得到票根的机会，更会把握持着一张票根的掌控权，告诉高抬贵手递我票根的叔伯兄弟证明，训练我的人没有白训；相信我人格的人没有看错人；对我表扬的人有眼光；生活上课业上学习到的知识没有白流；给我票根的选择：没，有，错。

那到底我实实在在喜欢的是什么、兴趣到底在哪里、最想得到去哪里的通行证？

呵… 这个问题，对你重要？

或许等你以后看我长大，看着我成长的多年后的我在做什么，都在做着什么的时候，你可能可以找到我的答案。但准确度有待验证，因为可能我做的不是自己喜欢的。有时候不是喜欢，兴趣两个字可以当饭吃。

所以啊… 

喜欢、兴趣、生活、期待、盼望、票根、通行证这些事，得空的时候，都很值得思考。

怎么就是要临时抱佛脚 TT

我放弃

此刻突然好想在脸书上写着“我放弃”三个字。

但是我不行，我不可以再一次不在乎他人的感受；更不可以让自己沦陷回去。即使脑袋里出现了这样的字眼，最后还是把它给吞了回去。

因为我清楚知道自己要的是什么

因为我清楚记得自己许下的承诺

因为我清楚知道

都知道

与其一面想着“我放弃”

我对自己说着：

“我不放弃；我坚持我所坚持的”

提醒自己

坚持的是什么

因为我知道
很多事情在等着我
很多人在等着我

Turning wounds into wisdom

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. 

Life make me think of roller coaster, it goes up and down. It's challenges. Some people scream and enjoy the game while sitting in, some people cry and vomit when they get down. It's a high stimulation game. 

One thing that different life and roller coaster is we can choose to play on the roller coaster or stand aside and watch people playing on it; whereas we can't choose whether we want to sit on the journey of life like roller coaster. We have to.

Can't deny that many things happen realistically in the world. 

We get hurt when we falls; but we get honored when we are at the top. 

Nothing remain constant all the time. Nothing can stay for last like how it was at the initial state or I could say.

Regardless of pride or misery, both are transferable and changeable. 

-There's no wounds that can't be recovered and no constant pain for injuries.-

-Start turning your wounds into wisdom-

-Make things work-

My homework starts here. 

I don't really feel like completing this work.

Maybe it is because 

Filling it up doesn't mean it is a good sign of accomplish. 

And guess what, 

I wrote this three months ago. 

(There're lots more posts haven been uploaded. I tend to save it in drafts and post it later, or months later sometimes)

Did I finish and fill up the form?

Yes I did. 

It filled up fully.

~Threes months have gone.~