................................................................................................Mae Ching......................................

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

纳闷的午后



在这么令人感到纳闷烦躁的大热天气,一个人上完课的午后其实真的很无聊的。好,真的不可以太依赖他人。不可以逃脱需要自己一个人完成的路。

突然想起那时不断跟姐姐说我多么希望他可以直接告诉我该走的路,帮我写信,帮我这个那个。因为这样一个人的午后让我真切地感觉到那时的失落。我叹气,如果姐姐在就好了。

结果一瞬间,我背着书包,离开了。拿了五十块在手,自己步行去买书。买我需要用到的书。买知识。到了那里,我开口对老板说,PSY319,workplace的… 他翻查了记录单,我无奈地看着他开了一张账单给我(原想可以当场拿到书)。当他要问我要付多少deposit当儿,我直接把手上的五十令吉递给他。他看看我说,“付多少”,我莫名地说,“付完”。他看着我点点头笑着说:“好,一次付完。有钱人的作风。”从他看见我想也不想就递给他五十块到我告诉他付完的时间里,他重复地用“有钱人”来形容我。大约有两三次。其实我是想要当场拿书,要不我准备那五十块在手干嘛。

嗯,给人说自己有钱是件值得开心的事。虽然不是事实,但给人那样说一说也很爽,一下。结果他又让我心情没那么郁闷啦!

Jiejie, I start feeling inferior and I'm almost fall back and repeating the undesired cycle. I avoid myself to touch on that part again because I don't know if I can handle it. Words that you told me hit into my mind all in a sudden. I shouldn't stop myself and avoid myself from being sad. I should let it be, let the emotion release naturally and experience it. But what if I can't handle it? What can I do, what should I do. I gonna sleep over and figure it out. Jiejie.. She is becoming.. She wants to... to be a better-Jacquelyn.

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