One week, still can't stop to call out your name.

It has been a week since he left me. I can't stop to call out his name. Everytime when I close my eyes, I can vividly visualise the day, when I came home and got the shocking news. I looked at him, lying down and remained unmoved. His body was still warm. I got down on my knee and I hugged him, lied on his body, as closest as I could. I didn't want to let go, because I know it will be forever gone after I let go. I called out his name, saying, "Rocky, good boy. Rocky.", repeatedly.

Until now, how I wish I could see him. Whether it is in dreams, or illusions. I could hug the air, and pat on the air, like how I hugged him the other day. 

No. I'm not sick. I'm just missing him. And going through the grief.

I know it is very hard to understand the deep saddest lie in my heart. Especially to those who had never have a dog as pet. But thank you, my peers. I've received some comforting messages. I replied in very short sentence. Perhaps just a thank you. But I do received your kindness and caring. Thank you, I appreciate it a lot. I just don't know how to respond to this, but I'm doing alright. Yes, I'm alright. *bow*

----

一个星期已经过去… 回忆起当时的情节，眼角还是不经意地掉下眼泪。

那时候，我看着他，躺在地上一动也不动。我抚摸着他，叫着他的名字。我心里想着，我该怎么妥善的面对这个离别。我想着，家人会如何面对这件事；我在想，Rocky临走前他在想什么。我有太多思绪不断在我脑海里碰击。太多，太多。

结果我自然跪下，抱着他，开始什么都不想，只感受那还炙热的体温，抚摸着他，不断呼叫他的名字。那动作让我感觉暖暖的。我努力把自己贴近他的身体，感受和他最靠近的距离。任凭爸爸说着“不用尽，Rocky去找他的好朋友了～” ，我还是呼唤着他的名字，抚摸他，抱着他，不放手。不让爸爸处理他的身体。我什么都不听，只希望可以听见他的心跳。

我不放手，是因为我知道这一次一放手，那就是永远。

事后我不断地强调，没有任何人（狗），可以取代Rocky在我心中的位置。他是一个最棒的狗儿,最好的伙伴，最听话的孩子。或许我太害怕，害怕他觉得走了之后，没有人记起他，想念他，怀念他。

这一刻我多想赖着说我什么都不要，只想要回我的Rocky。像电视剧里的情节一样，哭赖着。只可惜，这不是连戏剧。

闭上眼睛那刻都可以想起当时的画面，那个倒下就起不了身的影子。

我的双脚软弱，

到底死亡来临前，我可以为你做什么？

我多想可以再呼叫你的名字

看着你的眼睛

和那俏皮的动作

你知道吗

我

每次都想呼喊你的名字

Rocky.

It is raining heavily outside. It has been a hot and hazy day.

It makes me think of, it is you, Rocky?
Why is it raining?

If it were you,

How're you, Rocky?
It's fine, Rocky.
If you find that you want to cry, by all means. Because I'm also crying, because of you.
I understand that you are probably missing us. You're probably worrying about us.
Rocky, it's ok and fine. I'm missing you, and worrying about you too.
But Rocky, can you promise me?
Go to the right way that you should go. Let the god, or your peers to guide you, and live happily there. Make sure you're enjoying your life, and doing things that you like. You've done your job here. Really. I'm not sure how's the life after death, I'm not sure if you're still here, or you'll be going through the reincarnation process. Either ways is alright. I just want you to live freely and happily, my little boy.
I promise you, I'll take good care of myself and become more independent. Of course, I will also miss you sometimes. We have our own job and responsibility to be completed in life, you're just finishing much earlier than me. See, you're brilliant.

Go, Rocky. You'll be in my heart. Always.

Cry, Rocky, cry. After the storm, there will be rainbow.
Cry, Jacquelyn, cry. After the storm, there will be rainbow.

Rocky.

A have a little boy dog, his name is Rocky. Nobody else can replace him in my heart. He's the cutest, and the best Rottweiler. 

I keep praying that he is brought to a better place. A place where he feels peace and happy. I hope he can run around in a big garden with his friends happily, without restriction. My dog, my lovely Rocky. 

Rocky, good boy. Do not afraid, and go to the right way that you should go. I believe the superpower will guide you. Go and enjoy your life, and live happily. Don't worry, and I'll take good care of myself. 

Rocky, run! Rocky, run! Rocky, go! 

Rocky, I love you. Good boy, Rocky. 

Rocky. 

Rocky, thank you. Rocky.

Don't wait

Just eat the cone now. =) 

I should had published this post early at the mid of Oct. But something happened, and I kept it back. I can vividly remember, it was 26th of Oct, when I lost my boy. 

You know what? I'm still missing you, constantly. 

How have you been doing now?

I always tell the god that I'm hoping you to live in a better world and enjoy running in a wide field.

I told the god to look after you, and bring you to the right place. 

Rocky, my good boy. I'm missing you. So much.

Yes, there's something that you can't afford to wait. Otherwise, you will lose it, forever. 

After all, the saddest word would be 

"regret". 

Rocky.

My dog named Rocky. He's my best friend. He barked to remind us that there're outsider coming near to our house. He's such a responsible dog. He likes bread the most. He will do any trick to get the treats. He's cute. He's the most handsome guy that I ever seen in my life. Rocky is such a good boy. He did his job in this life very well. He got 9.5/10 in the overall scoring. There's 0.5 mark left. I would like to keep it with me. The 0.5 represents how I would miss him and keep him in my life, and no one can replace his role in my heart. Only Rocky can get it from me. Rocky, please let me hold the 0.5 mark. There's the tie between you and me. 

23/10/2015 

Rocky left me. But he's always in my heart. 

Rocky good boy. 

Rocky sit.

Rocky home.

Rocky shake hand. 

Rocky up.

Rocky good boy. 

Rocky sleep. And God, please guide him, and lead him to the right way. I'll release the 0.5 mark on hand and pass it to you. So that he will go and chase the 0.5 with you. Please lead him. And bring him to the best that he deserve. 

I'll keep him in my mind, my heart, and he will always be missed. You're always be with me, Rocky. Don't afraid, I'll take good care of myself. And I'll become a better and better person. I promise you. Go to find your friend, and let the God guide you to the place. Be the happiest dog, and enjoy your life. You deserve more, Rocky. I hope you'll have better life next. The life that you would like to have. The life, that you wish. 

Rocky, I love you. Thank you. You're such a good boy. Naughty boy. 

善终 • 善生 • 善别 

Rocky, you're so handsome. <3 p="">

<3 p="">

You're always with me

In my heart.

那是一个不能被碰触的痛

暂时无法被碰触的伤痛

要做

就要做唯一

Actually I can't wait

I can't wait to go out and see the world.

Although I know it is lots of challenges and uncertainty out there

But I'm more willing to take up the challenges

Perhaps I know that

life wouldn't be fun without exploring and experiencing

I would like to take it as learning opportunities

That's what I see now

There's nothing more, but learning.

Jiejie

I closed my eyes, and I thought of you. I miss you, and how I wish I can see you. There're always lots of stories that I want to share with you.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes, and I realised I cried. How I wish I can hug you tightly, and calling you in the way I used to address. But I'm definitely doing well here. It's just.. 

It has been almost a year. I miss you again, Jiejie. 

Remembering I told you that I'll surely cry when I next see you. I was too naive back then. I smile cheerfully, happily, instead. 

Despite of doing good here, unexpectedly, I cried when I thought about you. I don't know why. 

There're some stresses falling behind I guess, and I've been withheld it for quite sometimes. Thanks to the feelings of missing you, it allows me to shed my tears. 

I'm definitely doing good. It's just.. I'm missing you. 

Maeching is becoming a more capable person, who's able to work independently. Remember the drawing of the initial dark room? She's doing her work, silently and peacefully. It's no longer dark. The light is on, and she's always concentrating on what she needs to. Would you pay her a visit? She's walking towards the goal, with the direction of becoming a better person.

一直都很喜欢光良的歌曲

总是觉得他的歌曲都很容易引起共鸣

那年狂乱的时光，都让它留在那儿，吧

考试•篇

这一刻

今天考试，是众多科目中，唯一有mid term的科目。一向来，我考试运不高。特别是上了大学之后。Assignment 和 test 相较之下，我想我会选择 assignment。 我想我不太会做考卷，不管是选择题或开放式题目，我都没能很好的掌握。一来，对于朋友常安慰我说，“哎呀，不用担心。都是common sense。” 这样的话会让我更无奈，因为我没有sense。朋友每次这样说，我就这样回答。换来一串大笑。而来，语言不好。我总是需要很长的时间来诠释我脑袋里的思维。但是在时间的约束地下，真的，我没有办法写得好。

为什么特别提起今天考试？因为这个考试是众多重要科目当中，我最淡定去面对的一科。不是因为我非常有信心，也不是因为它很简单。但事实上，对于越简单的科目，我会越担心。

基本上我只用了三天的时间温习。但温习的过程中，我是如此淡定，如此享受。我甚至感觉自己好投入在温习功课的过程当中。这种阅读，让我有种莫名的喜悦。当下，考试和功课两者让我选，我选考试。

我太爱这个科目了。

考试的最后一刻我还是未能对课文100%地熟悉。但我选择放下，让老师叫我的名字，进班，按着编排的位子，坐下，考试。

坐在靠窗的位置。听着外面雷声隆隆。看着试卷，我作答。

作答的过程中有太多的思绪不断入侵我的脑海。那是为什么我把今天考试给纪录下来的原因。

这一次，我竟然可以对着自己说，眼前这一份问卷都不重要。分数高低也无所谓。最重要的是我从中所学习的知识。我爱它，本是爱他，爱的是他的本，所以我不在乎表面的成就。虽然，有时表面的成就间接中告知了你在背后的努力和付出。但是在这里，我想我更珍惜从我开始认识到了解它的那个过程。那份厚实感。那一份理解的感动。但说回来，如果真的那么爱它，那么很自然地会花更多时间了解它，最后成果必然是高分好评。嗯… 

我觉得自己从来没有如此认真且人性化地思考课文和理论的背后的来源与道理。我想这是为什么我会觉得自己在这三年的大学里都白学了的原因。

但这一科有种让我重生的感觉。重新认识知识，重新认识阅读，还有重新理解读书的意义。

都不是注重于考试，都不是注重于分数，更不是注重于成绩的标签。重新认识知识，真正用心去和课文谈一场顾及内涵多过表面风光的恋爱。

你会爱上它。会。

你需要有爱，愿意撇开内在以外的外来因素。你需要真的喜欢它，对他有兴趣。这是学者所谓的 intrinsic motivation。

爱上它，不就是梁静茹所唱的，“爱你不是两三天… 我天天想你很多遍…”吗？

学生，其实不就可以简单些，选择自己喜爱的。

抛开external factors的眼界。

听你想爱，找你想爱，做你很爱的科目的伴侣，让你收益一生。知识，可以带给你无止尽的价值；智慧，才是伴你一生的品质。

可总要到了最后，大学的最后一个学期才能理解，选择喜爱，比被爱，更容易爱。我是说，选择一个自己喜欢的科目，比一些容易考的科目，更容易上手。对，就是得心应手。

附：我应该拍下考卷的模样……………

Date

看着日历，算一算日子

突然让我觉得有希望

陈美青

你要加油

Stay Calm

Stay in Good Condition

Positive Mood

Keep Moving On